Sand
by Kaoruhana
Summary: The tragic loss of a loving couple forces Kenshin and Kaoru to come to terms with certain facts regarding their unrequited romances. When Kenshin calls a halt to his promising career in Kyoto to come to Tottori and deal with the loss of his loved ones, he meets Kaoru. Together, the two of them learn to cope and move on from their situation. (Warning: Character Death)
1. A Double Loss

**A/N:** Yay new story! To be truthful, there are parts of this story that I have had sitting in the dust for over a year. It was on my mind one day and I struggled to come up with a reasonable connection between the pieces of the puzzle/ pieces that I wrote down. Apparently, all I required was a little nudge and an experimentation into a new style of romance fiction to figure out what I needed to do. So, for those who have read my Zutara story "A Heated Rain"- this story, much like that one, is also angsty and sad. Yet, at the same time, I am a romance author- no matter what I do, I always end up there. So this is the result. I probably won't upload the next chapter until I'm done with my LSAT in October but until then, enjoy this one. I promise to get the rest of the story up in a timely manner but until then here is the first part of a hopefully decently long and noteworthy story.

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**Chapter 1: A Double Loss**

Neat white walls, and a sterile odor: these were smells that Suzume came to associate with visits to her mother. She didn't know a lot about what was going on, just that her mother was sick and that according to her daddy God might take her back. But still, she was never told the reason why and it scared her. It scared her enough that she hated hospitals and wanted nothing more than to never set foot into one again. She walked through the hallways and huddled closer to her father as her thoughts circled her head yet again. If her mother was going away then _who_ was going to be her new mother? Would someone else take her place? Suzume held on to her father's hand tightly as they finally made their way to a door that she recognized- Uncle Kenshin's office.

She didn't want to go inside- her uncle was always sad and her father always sent her away after the first few minutes. Maybe today would be different she wondered as she noticed her uncle stand up to greet her- that was new! She followed her daddy inside and grinned at her uncle waving a hello to him. He greeted her back and helped her into the chair as he told daddy about her mommy. But he didn't smile and it put a frown on Suzume's face. So both her uncle and daddy were going to be sad again and she was going to be sent away while they talked about her mother. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't pay attention to much of the conversation going on around her.

"Kenshin," Katsura began tucking the sleeping Ayame closer to him and chancing a quick glance towards Suzume, "how is she?"

He saw the fatigue behind his cousin's eyes and the guilt festering inside of him. So it wasn't good news today, was it? Katsura smiled weakly though he knew Kenshin saw through it. He didn't blame Kenshin, no he couldn't really blame anyone for this. Hadn't he known going in that Tomoe was dying? Kenshin had tried but no one could alter a process that was too far gone.

"Two weeks." Kenshin finally spoke unable to really say anything else. "I've tried but-"

Tears came to Katsura's eyes and Suzume noticed even if she hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation. She patted her daddy's arm absently as she wondered on the implications. Turning to his astute daughter, Katsura tried to put on a brave face. He knew Suzume wasn't falling for it though. Something indicated to the little girl that her daddy was sad because something was wrong- was it things to do with her mother? Was God finally taking her back to where angles came from? And what did Uncle Kenshin mean when he said two weeks?

"Suzume?" Her daddy said his voice gravelly. "Why don't I take you and Ayame visit Grandpa Hiko for a bit? I have to talk to Uncle Kenshin alone."

"Is everything okay Daddy? Do you want me to stay?" The little girl asked. She doubted she'd get an answer though; her father had been hiding things from her recently.

Suzume knew that whenever Uncle Kenshin and her daddy talked it usually had to do with her mommy and the fact that her mommy was still sick. But she also knew that she needed to find Grandpa Hiko. He would answer her questions or at least try to. It hurt the little girl that her daddy didn't tell her about her mother but her grandfather had explained that it was because he didn't want them to worry. Still, she didn't want to leave and tried to prolong her stay in the office but her father wouldn't hear of it.

"I'm not sure about certain things right now Suzu. Let's go find your grandpa first all right?" Suzume nodded clambering down from her chair and following her daddy through the hospital.

They passed nurses and doctors, some of them greeting the young girl whom they recognized and others merely shuffling out of the way. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it since they soon came to another door- one that she recognized. Her father ushered her inside and her grandfather lifted his head up to see who his visitors were, standing up when he saw them. He took the still slumbering Ayame from Katsura and gave Suzume a small nod which she returned with a grin. Her mother may be sick and her daddy may be lying to her but her grandfather was always the same- strong and honest.

Katsura said a few words to Hiko, words that the young girl couldn't comprehend, and then left with a smile towards his eldest daughter. And Suzume just knew that her life was never going to be the same again after that moment. There was a resigned air about her father and while she didn't know much about it, she understood its implications. Turning to her grandfatherly figure, she noticed that he didn't welcome her into his lap or try to tell her about her mother and the hospital like he usually did. She didn't understand what was happening but she realized what it meant: her mother was being taken away from her and she was never going to have the chance to give her a proper goodbye.

"Grandpa Hiko?" She asked watching her father walk away. "Mommy's going away isn't she?"

The older man chanced a glance towards the young girl standing in front of him. Shuffling to take a seat, he beckoned Suzume over and waited until she was seated in his lap before he spoke.

"Suzume, do you remember what I told you yesterday?" The little girl nodded, tear tracks running down her cheeks and making her small face look even more vulnerable. "Your mother- the disease inside of her has won. She's going to heaven soon."

Hiko didn't believe in concepts of heaven or hell. He didn't even really know how to care of kids for that matter. But ever since his son had taken to Tomoe's case he found himself unable to do anything but go along with things. He admired the tenacity with which Kenshin had approached Tomoe's case but he also wished that there weren't two little girls involved. Suzume and Ayame were like his grandchildren and ever since the elder had asked him about her mother he couldn't help but refuse to tell her the answers.

Hiko refused to follow Katsura's advice on the subject. Suzume wouldn't understand words like "death" or "cancer" but the little girl understood that her mother was being taken away by something and it scared her. Rather than traumatize her about hospitals, he decided to explain it to her using words she would understand. And she did to some extent. She knew that her mother was sick with a disease and that her mother's disease unlike others was hard to get rid of. He'd explained the situation to her in terms of good and evil. The bad guy had won in this case but Hiko hoped that the girls would move on from the tragedy. They had him, Kenshin, Genzai, and their father after all.

By the time Katsura made it back to Kenshin's office his resolve had crumbled. Tomoe had asked that her condition be kept a secret from the girls but he knew the girls weren't believing his excuses. They knew that their mother was dying, albeit they had no idea how or why or what it meant. And that thought made him cringe- how could be raise them without her- she had always been the one to take care of them when he was at work. He entered his cousin's office and collapsed in a chair before dissolving into tears.

Why him? Why now? The girls needed her, he needed her! Why couldn't he help Tomoe? He looked up at the face of his cousin, weary and exhausted. Why wasn't Kenshin saying anything?

"Katsura?" Kenshin questioned judging the mood of his cousin and deeming it safe to speak. "Tomoe wants to talk to you. She's- she's been asking for you all morning."

It hurt Kenshin to say those words but he hid the quaver and depression in his voice. Tomoe was Katsura's wife not his, it was obvious she'd ask for him when she found out she was on her deathbed. And really- who was he to refuse her? He knew the effect his words had on his cousin and schooled his face so that his cousin would see the hurt in his face but not the heartbreak. His cousin needed his best friend right now, not the man who loved his wife and let her go for her own happiness.

Katsura buried his face in his hands and tried to control his tears and breathing. Crying was something he rarely did but right now he didn't care- there were no daughters he had to be strong for and Kenshin understood his pain. Kenshin had been there when he had met Tomoe, fallen in love with her, and when she was diagnosed with cancer. He could afford to lose control in front of his cousin. When he felt like he had most of his emotions under control, he finally looked up and met the redhead's gaze.

Kenshin was a wreck- bags under his eyes which were rimmed red with unshed tears all set into a melancholy pale face. He wasn't faring that well either was he? And he was a doctor- not allowed to show emotions. But he was also his brother- his cousin- his best friend. And because he was all of those Katsura let loose his emotions.

"What do I do Kenshin?" He asked, for once lost. "How do I tell her? What about the girls?" Their little girls, how was he going to tell them that their mother was dying?

"I don't know. I-I'm sorry, I should have done better." And Kenshin wished that he could have. He turned away from his cousin and bit back the bitter tears that came when he thought about a patient whose life he couldn't save.

Tomoe was never his and never would be but he still loved her. Something inside of him was breaking- had been breaking since the day Tomoe and Katsura had fallen in love- and had now reached the rupture point. Tomoe was dying and no matter what he did, what he could do she was going to die in a matter of days when her body would eventually give in to the cancer. In spite of his three yearlong research on bone cancer, nothing he had learned could help her. He felt like a failure. He'd only wanted to give one thing to Tomoe- happiness and so he had never interfered when she was with Katsura and vowed to protect what little happiness she had. So much for that.

Katsura let out a bitter laugh, one that was more of longing than anything else. "Leave it Kenshin." He sighed and then stood not looking at his cousin but not turning to the door yet either. "I'll go see her now. Can you- do you mind checking on the girls?"

Kenshin nodded and Katsura walked out to make his way to his wife's bedside to face the reality that awaited him. The hospital was a sickly place and the pristine white walls seemed to mock him. Nurses, some of whom he recognized, greeted him along the way while a stray doctor or two who had heard about his situation would glance at him briefly with a grimace and then move on. The hall that housed Tomoe's room was set apart from others. It was in the cancer ward, yes, but it had always been in the hospice part of the cancer ward and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

Stopping in front of her door, he hesitated for a moment not sure if his emotions were in check as they should have been. Katsura hated to see this, to live this. A nurse scurried by him with an IV drip clutched tight in her hands while a weeping woman left another room escorted by a doctor. That would be him in a few days wouldn't it? Steeling himself together, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Tomoe's room was plain- a white hospital bed, a large window that opened up to the hospital courtyard, and machines- so many of them hooked up to her and monitoring her health. When Katsura opened the door, she turned from her view of the window to look at him- the window that showed her an outside that she hadn't seen in months. Her eyes were sunken and her beautiful pale skin wasn't beautiful anymore, but sickly white. And her hair- the hair that she prided herself on- was gone making her look so sad and vulnerable. It broke his heart to see his wife, his love like this. She didn't deserve to be in a place like this, in a hospital where she was dying. Katsura longed for the days when he came home to a laughing wife with their daughters by her side.

"You came." Her voice was the same, the soft sweet voice that he loved so much and that had sung his daughters to sleep although now it was gravelly from the medicines being dripped into her system. Crossing the distance to her, Katsura sat in the chair next to her bed and held her hand as practiced words flew from his mouth.

"Silly woman, I'll always come for you."

The phrase was something he'd said to her when they first started dating, now it was more of a hollow empty promise that hung in the air and was waiting to be shattered. It reminded them both of days that were long gone- days of their youth when they didn't have to worry about anything but getting their university degrees and falling in love with each other. But it was a time that had passed and as Katsura squeezed the hand he was holding, he finally said the words that he'd needed to say when he entered the room.

"Kenshin told me Tomoe."

Tomoe smiled softly reaching forward with her other hand and patting his cheek. The action caused a strain on her and she winced when the IV's attached to her hand pulled a little. Katsura noticed it and made a move to help her but her smile disarmed him.

"Katsura," she began her voice raspy from a lack of use, "what's done is done. You have to- you have to stay strong for the girls remember?" A few tears escaped Tomoe's eyes at her last sentence and she cringed at the pain that the words caused her. She hadn't seen her two daughters for almost ten days- but she hadn't been able to do much with them in over six months. Now, she wanted to spend every last second with them; she wanted to tell them that she loved them and that she would always watch over them.

"Tell them I'm sorry." She sobbed collapsing on Katsura's shoulder. "And tell them I love them."

Gently wiping the tears she shed, Katsura stood and brought her closer to his chest as he did so. How could he tell Ayame and Suzume what his wife wanted? How could he, when every time he looked at them he would think of her? How could he when all that he would think about were memories of her tucking them into bed or playing with them? But she was asking him, and Katsura had never been able to deny his wife requests like these. It was rare of Tomoe to ask for anything and he would do whatever she wanted for as long as he still could.

"I'll tell them Tomoe, I promise."

That night, he held her and kissed her and told her how much he loved her. He and Tomoe spent the night together in the hospital bed and when the morning nurse came to find them, she was surprised by his presence. And as much as she wanted to tell the man to move, she found herself unable to do so. It was obvious to her that this was the husband that Miss Tomoe talked about and now that she knew what was happening she couldn't find it in herself to break the two apart for their last few days.

She didn't know the effects of her actions that day. The nurse had no idea that that morning Katsura had made a promise to a still sleeping Tomoe; a promise that she would have heard had she stayed in the room for just a moment longer. She had no idea that when Tomoe would die a week later, the man in the room would also die with her.

* * *

Dr. Genzai sat across the dining table from his smiling assistant and her fiancé. Another young woman sat next to him and rolled her eyes at something that her friend's fiancé said when the phone rang. Excusing himself, Dr. Genzai went to pick it up. A few minutes later, a clatter sounded from the living room and the young woman stood before making her way to his location with the other two following. The doctor's assistant immediately raced to his side and asked him why he had collapsed. However, it wasn't her he answered. Instead, he turned his eyes to the young woman from earlier.

"They're dead." He muttered as though unable to believe it. "Tomoe died this morning and Katsura- they found Katsura at her bedside. He- he committed suicide."

No one knew what to say. Dead- the doctor's son was dead. The thought brought a sudden chill into the room and it was a few moments before anyone was able to do anything. Holding up a hand to her face, the young woman shook her head from side to side murmuring unintelligible words as the tears flew down her face. Katsura and Tomoe dead- Katsura dead. She had long ago given up on ever having her love returned from the man but it still didn't make the pain any less poignant. And as the others watched, she stood and left the room to go collapse on the engawa outside and mourn there.

A half-hour later, the tall lanky man, the assistant's fiancé stepped out to join her. He took a seat next to her and slung a careful arm around her shoulders. He may have only been in the town for seven years but he knew Katsura and what he was to both Dr. Genzai and Kaoru.

"You okay missy?" Sano asked softly.

He knew it was a pointless question to ask but he also knew it was the question that would propel the young woman to let out her feelings. And being as close to her as a brother he would offer her what he could. When he had first arrived in Tottori as a young and unemployed college graduate, he had met Kaoru first. She had befriended him and gotten him a job with a local construction company and he in turn had decided to look after her to show her his gratitude. Being as close as she was to Dr. Genzai, he had found himself more often than not interacting with the two of them. And that was when he realized things.

Sano had noticed her feelings for the doctor's son, had seen her heart break when the son had told them of his upcoming marriage, and had been there when she cried about her unrequited feelings to Sano. He had heard her words and held her to his side, calming her and helping her get over the pain. She had never really moved on from Katsura but she had decided to adjust. It made Sano feel guilty especially when shortly after Tomoe's arrival Megumi had come to do her residency in Tottori. Sometimes, he berated himself for finding such true love when Kaoru was suffering. And she was right now but all Sano could do was offer her his arms. So he held her as she sobbed and spat curses.

"It's not fair Sano! It's not fucking fair!" Kaoru knew her words were harsh and that she had no reason to spout curses. But she was hurting and it was a hurt that wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

She had squared her features and moved on; she had done everything she could to be happy for them but now- how was she supposed to do anything? Katsura was a coward for leaving- he had a family- he had two little girls. For one strong moment Kaoru felt the same anger towards him that she felt to her father but she pushed that thought aside. Both men had only wanted to join their loves. Still, Kaoru wondered would anyone ever do the same for her? She had loved her father only to see him die as an alcoholic when she was but a teen. And now Katsura- why couldn't he see that there were others that needed him- that she needed him?

"Why does everyone I love leave Sano?" She asked tired and spent from the crying.

Sano didn't know what to say. What could he say? He and Megumi had just announced their engagement that night. That thought made him feel more guilty than he had been- who was he to be happy with his loved one when Kaoru sat here crying? And so he didn't say anything else but just held her, letting her cry herself to sleep. When she did, he carried her to the guest bedroom and joined his fiancé and a grieving Doctor Genzai on the couch. The doctor looked up at him with red rimmed eyes.

"How is she?"

The doctor had known how much Kaoru loved his son and how much she had suffered in her life already. While he grieved, he was only too glad that he had two lovely granddaughters that reminded him to look to the future. Kaoru- she had loved Katsura and her future had now been robbed from her twice.

"She cried herself to sleep." He looked at Megumi and then at the doctor. "Do you need a ride to Kyoto?"

Dr. Genzai looked at the couple in front of him. Yes, he had lost a son, but both Megumi and Sano were orphans and often times he found himself looking at the two of them as though they were his children as well. While Katsura was not a brother to either of them, during the time that he and Tomoe had lived here, both Megumi and Sano had often interacted with the couple. They care just as much as I do, the doctor realized as a new wave of tears left him to join the others that had trailed down his cheeks. Once he felt more in control, he spoke once again though his words were still a little choppy.

"Megumi, take- take Kaoru home and get her ready tomorrow morning. If- If we leave at a reasonable time we'll get there in the afternoon."

"We'll see about tomorrow later." Megumi fussed standing up with the doctor. "Now come, I'm not stepping a foot out of this house tonight. You can sleep, I'll watch over things with Sano."

Dr. Genzai wanted to refuse but he noticed the hardened resolve in his assistant's gaze. So instead, he nodded and took her help to his room. Tomorrow- tomorrow he would be strong and decide what to do. Tonight- tonight he needed to grieve and mourn.

When they arrived in Kyoto, they were led to the house of Katsura's cousin- the house in which Katsura and the girls had spent their days while Tomoe was in the hospital. Both Megumi and Sano had found alternate lodging but the assistant doctor couldn't help it- she visited the house early in the morning and left late at night. She hovered over Kaoru half afraid that the woman would fall apart in front of her if someone wasn't there to keep her together. But it wasn't just that- the house itself was grey and melancholy since they arrived a few hours ago.

The redheaded cousin of Katsura's hardly noticed the intrusion in his home and it made both Megumi and Sano pity the man. What kind of pain must he have been going through to not even realize that there were two- technically four- new arrivals into his home life? The girls meanwhile were smothering their grandfather, afraid that he too would disappear. And Kaoru- she was much like the redhead- locking herself in her given guest bedroom- unable and not wanting to talk to anyone.

Softly, Megumi knocked on the door to Kenshin- the redhead's- room. He shuffled but didn't move from the bed and Megumi entered not sure if it was right. She felt like an intruder, invading a space that wasn't hers. The sight that met her had her nearly turn back around in shock. The redhead was lost- his eyes were listless and staring out the window while his hair and clothing had definitely seen better days. Megumi had seen various people in different stages of grief but this image scared her.

Blinking away the distress, she switched into her doctor persona. She shuffled to the redhead's bedside and set the soup down next to him. When he didn't respond, she gently prodded for his attention with her words.

"I made some soup. Please eat it. I'll be by to pick it up later."

The man didn't say anything and Megumi realized that her words wouldn't have any sway on him. It was hard enough to be in the same room as him- she felt suffocated just being near his melancholy presence. The sooner she sent someone else- someone who knew him- to him the better. She wondered if he cared about anything at the moment. She was a doctor and so she knew how much it hurt to lose a patient. But she also knew that for Kenshin this wasn't just another patient. And so she did nothing but hope that he snapped out of his depression.

If the redhead cared enough, he would eat the soup, otherwise she would let someone else handle it. She didn't know him that well anyway. And instead of wasting time with him she had another person- a friend- who needed her at the moment. Taking her leave, she left the room, closing the door as she did so.

When Megumi came back to the kitchen, Dr. Genzai was talking with another man while the girls clambered all over Sanosuke much as they used to back home in Tottori. She nodded softly to Dr. Genzai and scurried towards the pot on the stove intent on taking another bowl out- this one to Kaoru. She could force feed Kaoru and feel a little more like she was helping if the young woman ate something. As she busied herself, Dr. Genzai appeared by her side.

"Megumi, did Kenshin take the soup?" The young assistant halted her movements and shook her head negatively.

What was she supposed to say- that he didn't even acknowledge her. That she wanted to leave the room the minute she stepped in. She shuddered just thinking of the lost look in his eyes when she had seen him. No one deserved to be in a situation like that. And no doctor she had ever worked with had been so depressed, so lost. She was grateful when the elder doctor didn't probe her and instead continued the conversation by himself. She didn't think she could describe what she saw anyway.

"I see, I'll get Hiko on it. Are you going to Kaoru?"

"Yes." This time, Megumi felt a little more confident about her answer. She had been with Kaoru through a lot and she knew much more than any of the men present just how much this was affecting the young woman. "I'm going to take her some soup. Please, help yourself to some later. I might- I might be a while."

"I see, then I'll let you go." Megumi nodded grabbing the soup and a spoon before placing it on a tray and taking it to the guest bedroom housing Kaoru.

She didn't bother knocking as she entered knowing what she would see. Megumi had known Kaoru only four years but she had become close to the girl. When she had first met the girl she thought Kaoru was a little naïve and childish. Over time, she had instead understood that it wasn't Kaoru's naiveté, rather her loving and open-hearted persona that made her seem childish. And more that, Megumi had come to realize that Kaoru was not just that- she was strong.

It had been only a few months into her stay that she had seen the wistful glances that the young woman shot Katsura. She knew of Kaoru's feelings even if Katsura and Tomoe never had- and she wondered how they didn't. It was painfully obvious to anyone who looked that Kaoru had her sights set on Katsura but that she had given him up to see him happy. As understanding as Megumi was, she could never do that. And it was through this that the two girls had become friends.

She had been the one Kaoru confided in all these years. Megumi knew that Kaoru's love was known to all but it had only been with a female that Kaoru had told everything- from the first summers in high school when she realized her crush all the way to the heartbreak that she had faced when Katsura came home with Tomoe a few years later. And now, she knew that Kaoru needed her more than ever. The woman was strong, independent, and struggled to go on in spite of losses that should have crippled her. And now, she needed someone to help her- to bring her out of the bubble she had placed herself in because for once Kaoru was weak and she Megumi was strong. For once, Kaoru needed her help and she was going to give it to her.

"Kaoru." She began glad when the woman in question turned her face to greet her. "I brought soup."

"I don't want any." Megumi huffed- the woman hadn't even had breakfast so there was no way she was going to let her skip lunch as well. And she had been prepared for an unwilling friend. Kaoru's stubborn streak was known to all who called her a friend.

"Too bad, now will you eat or will you make me feed you?"

Kaoru's eyes widened and even if she didn't feel like eating her stomach gave her away. She made to move her hands but Megumi shook her head and instead placed the soup tray on her bedside table. Kaoru had never liked anyone feeding her but her friend did have a point. After not eating much last night and this morning she was a little spent. And part of her wanted this- wanted someone to guide her in baby steps because she was tired of being strong. It hurt and she wanted that hurt to fade- even if just a little.

"You need to have someone take care of you right now. Can I feed you?"

The young woman didn't say anything and Megumi spooned some soup before holding it to Kaoru's mouth. Kaoru hesitated but opened her mouth and drank the soup she was fed. She knew that it was Megumi's way of showing her that she cared enough to let her take a break. It brought a grateful smile to her face.

Megumi didn't know how long she sat there feeding Kaoru but when the last spoon was fed, Kaoru collapsed against her in tears. The young assistant doctor didn't have the heart to push her away. Kaoru was like her own little sister and she wanted nothing more than to hold the girl close and tell her how sorry she was that all this had happened to her. She rocked the two of them back and forth, shedding a few tears of her own, before Kaoru looked up at her through watery eyes.

"It hurts Megumi. I know that it'll ease over time but it hurts." Megumi nodded letting Kaoru talk. It was best that she let out all her frustrations out today. She'd already had the _it'll pass with time_ talk with her. However, it was the next few questions posed by Kaoru that caught Megumi's attention, her sympathy, and her ire.

"What's left for me now? Who am I supposed to be looking forward to?"

Megumi grabbed the woman's face in her hands hastily squashing the tiny bit of compassion she felt. She'd been compassionate with Kaoru and while she knew, could imagine how hurt Kaoru must feel about the loss of her love, she was hurt when the woman in front of her was willing to throw away her life so quickly. She was a doctor and had seen many patients in her time- she was obligated to treat each and every one of them until they refused her and she wasn't about to let her friend join the mold of patients who gave up. Kaoru had more to live for. And she was going to be damned if she didn't show her friend that!

"Kaoru Kamiya! You listen to me right now. I am here for you, Sano and Dr. Genzai are here for you. And if you go- what about the girls?" At her last words, the resolve that Kaoru had broke. The girls- she was their godmother. If she left then there really would be no one there for them but an aging grandfather.

"It hurts Megumi. It hurts."

Her hold and gaze softening Megumi nodded. "I know dear. But when Ayame and Suzume grow up you'll be glad about this decision. Especially when you tell them what their father was like as a teenager and young adult. You'll do that won't you? Remember the good and move on?"

Kaoru's gaze slid down to the hands in her lap as she thought about things. It would hurt but it would be like her father- the pain would ease with time and she'd have to remember the good. It didn't make it any easier but it suddenly made things a lot more clear. She looked up at her friend and gave her a shaky smile. And Megumi knew then that Kaoru would be fine. She'd move on from this tragedy. Her job done, she left her friend to eat some soup herself.

Thirty minutes later when a dressed but still distraught Kaoru joined her in the kitchen to help clean up from lunch, Megumi knew she had done the right thing.

Two days later, Suzume held onto her Grandfather's hands- her real Grandfather, Grandpa Genzai, as her parents were lowered into the ground. She wanted to run and tell the people that her parents weren't dead, they couldn't be, but her grandpa held onto her strongly and she stopped her struggling to instead look at the ceremony.

Why did God have to take her daddy away too? Wasn't taking her mommy away enough? Ayame- only eighteen months- didn't understand what was happening from her position in Grandpa Hiko's arms. Suzume looked at her and vowed then and there that she was never going to lose Ayame. God had already taken her parents away; she wasn't going to let him take Ayame away too. Squeezing her grandfather's hand tighter she decided she was going to try to keep him safe too. Grandpa Hiko had told her that you couldn't save people from every disease but that most were treatable. She was going to make sure that for as long as possible Grandpa Genzai and Ayame only faced treatable diseases. Rubbing at the tears in her eyes, Suzume looked around.

Around her were other people she knew and loved. Aunt Megumi and Kaoru nee-san stood behind her with Uncle Sano. Uncle Kenshin stood across from her as she looked at the hole in the ground where her parents' urns had been lowered. After the priest said his prayers, everyone began to leave. Suzume saw her friends from Tottori crying and wanted to join them but her grandfather led her away from them instead. He pushed her towards his redheaded uncle. He hadn't said more than a few words to her over the past few days and she wondered if her uncle was finally going to speak to her.

The entire time she had been with him since her parents' deaths, he had been silent and Suzume, not knowing what was wrong, had blamed herself for it. Now, she cried silently because she was tired of it all.

She had lost her parents. Sure Uncle Sano and Aunt Megumi had tried to do what they could but they weren't the people she wanted most. Those people were Kaoru nee-chan and Uncle Kenshin- her godparents. And while one of them had talked to her, the other hadn't. And yet now, as he approached her in the reception room of the cemetery she couldn't help but flinch. What was he going to do?

"Suzume." The redhead spoke when he approached her. "I'm sorry."

He didn't know what to say to the little girl. Ayame- Ayame realized her parents weren't coming back and cried but Suzume knew what had happened. She was always too astute for her own good and it made Kenshin want to beg for her forgiveness. He knew- some rational part of him knew- that Suzume wouldn't blame him for their deaths but there was still that nagging fear grating at his nerves. And the girls at least needed to see his face. It had been his own father who pointed that out by reminding Kenshin that he was the closest thing the kids had to a father after Katsura's death. The words had been enough to shake him out of his stupor so that he could ask his goddaughter for forgiveness.

"Why are you sorry? Suzume asked unable to understand. Was it because her parents were dead and she had no parents now? She rubbed tears away from her cheeks and addressed her uncle with a firm determination that only came from being Katsura's child.

"S'not your fault." She slurred her words nasally from the crying. "Daddy says-_said-_ that when someone dies it's cause God wants them back."

Kenshin gulped choking down the emotions he felt at her words. Of course, Katsura would say words like that. In fact, it had probably been Tomoe who told him to tell that to the girls. The thought brought up feelings that he was slowly trying to squash. Carefully, he reached forward and cradled the girls face in her hands to look into her eyes. Eyes like Katsura's- endless pools of black that always managed to see right through him. Brushing away another stray tear, he addressed the young girl.

"Yes, God wants your parents back. But he wants your parents back because he wants to make sure you have guardian angels."

He knelt down and brushed some of the bangs away from her eyes. And as he did so, he realized that every word he said was something that he believed. His heart just light enough to piece himself back together, Kenshin stood back up and took her hand in his. Suzume nodded though her grief was still making it hard to comprehend anything. At three years old, all she knew were the basics of what she was told. But, if Uncle Kenshin was saying it, it had to be true. He spoke again, forcing her to tilt her face up to see him.

"Be strong Suzu. You've got to look after Ayame now." Those words resonated within her and Suzume nodded. She was going to take care of her family now.

* * *

A young redheaded male took a seat on his living room couch. The house was empty as it usually was these days. The creamy white leather he sank into wasn't as warm and inviting as it had been previously but instead left him feeling dull and lethargic. The glass in his hands wasn't exactly welcoming him either; not the first time that it had happened; but important enough for him to notice. A timer beeped but he never got up to get the food in the microwave. When was the last time he'd had a decent home-cooked meal anyway?

As he sat there reevaluating his life all his thoughts moved onto a certain topic; one that had continued to haunt him. It amazed him that even three months after their deaths _they _continued to constantly be in his thoughts the moment he returned home. He never even knew why he continued living in the home they had shared with him for the last few months of their lives. The décor hadn't changed either; remaining as it was when Tomoe and Katsura had come for her first treatment cycles.

Tomoe had been the one to tell him that he needed good furniture in a house. Being the good friend that she was, she had picked out the furniture and worked on the decorating: the white leather sofas, the cream colored walls and everything else. All that was missing were her pictures and presence along with Katsura's. He had been sure, when Tomoe and Katsura had died, that time and work would heal the wounds left by their deaths but now that he looked back on it, that was probably the worst thing he could have done. Instead of moving on, he had sunk himself deeper into the past.

In the past, he was Kenshin- the best friend of Katsura and Tomoe, the godfather of their children, the man who had loved his best friend's wife. Now, he was a doctor who had quit his department after his patient's abrupt death and had instead immersed himself in work at the ER. Her death- his patient's death was something that continued to haunt him. Part of him still blamed himself for her death- not just hers but Katsura's as well. The thought made him clench his hands together.

Eight months- had it already been that much time since Tomoe had come to Kyoto for treatment? Eight months ago, he was different- he was in love with his cousin's wife and vowed to save her. He hadn't been able to though- the cancer had taken control of most of her body by then and she was dying. But he'd tried and failed- and his cousin had paid the price by suicide. Now, here he was after failing- depressed and scared and unable to move on.

He stared at one of the various photos sitting on the mantel. It was a picture of his two little nieces who'd been with him three months ago- Ayame and Suzume. When had he last made time for them? He hadn't he realized- they had come to visit him and even them it was to tell him goodbye. They were going back to Tottori, back to their grandfather, back to a life without scary hospital visits. The only difference was that this time they had no parents to look forward to.

Parents- the word itself suddenly sickened him. He was the closest thing to a parent, a father figure, that the girls had and he'd basically neglected them. The thought made him want to yell or punch something. Had life been continuing on while he stayed stuck in this rut? A rut that he had made himself? It had and while his depression and hurt were not going to disappear so soon, he realized that he could get away from it and come to terms with things. He'd accepted their deaths, now it was time to accept that he had to move past that era of his life.

Kenshin averted his eyes to the glass in his hands and sighed setting the drink down. No, he decided, for once he wasn't going to cool down with a drink- an alcoholic drink- after work. He just wanted to get a grip on things and finally come to terms with the thoughts that had been plaguing him the past few months. And getting a grip on things meant change even though he was afraid of it. Change also meant moving and going away from the things that continued to haunt him. And to do that he had to leave Kyoto. He'd known it was coming but had refused to acknowledge it. Now, it seemed that he had.

The idea shocked him even as a sad smile took over his lips. Kenshin held Kyoto dear to his heart. But he also knew Kyoto held many memories that he'd rather forget or revisit when the pain of them had dulled somewhat. He needed a change of pace and a change of setting would help him with that- help him finally move on from the deaths that were ever present on his mind. But he wasn't sure where to go. His eyes sought out the picture on the mantle again and softened as he looked at the smiling faces of the two little girls. Perhaps it was time to pay his uncle a long overdue and extended visit. Uncle Genzai had been there for the girls since their life had changed. It was time to thank him for that and ask him if, maybe, he could put up with his brooding nephew as well.

His mind made up, Kenshin stood and walked to the kitchen where he dumped the glass's contents down the drain. The liquid was dark and being sucked away from him. In an odd way, it was a ritual cleansing of sorts. A cleansing that opened his mind to new possibilities and brought a renewed sense of vitality to him. Washing the glass and putting it away, he picked up his phone and made some calls. It was time to hand in a resignation and take his life into his own hands once again.

* * *

**A/N: **Please, read and review. It's my second time foraying into slightly depressing/sad fiction in this fandom, but it's the first time I'm actually making it a decent full length story!

As for the reference to Sand- there are a lot of ways I plan on using the word/ material. However, one of the reasons that the title of the story is sand stems from the fact that Tottori, Japan (where I have based a majority of this story) is known for its sand dunes.

I do not own _Rurouni Kenshin_ nor do I have any affiliation with _Tottori, Japan. _


	2. The Welcome to Tottori

**A/N: **First, thank you to all who reviewed/read this story! Second, I'm afraid you'll have to wait about the same time (a monthish) for chapter 3.

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Welcome to Tottori**

A week later, Kenshin shook his head before opening the gate and stepping inside the walkway leading up to the small clinic that would hopefully help him find the answers he wanted. His footsteps were the only sound he heard as the gravel walkway crunched under his feet. As he looked around the courtyard, he noticed that not much had changed since the summers in high school that he spent here. He had only spent three summers here and those had been some of the best months of his life. After University, he had never seen the need to visit because of the images that the clinic would bring to mind. This was where Tomoe and Katsura had decided to start their new life together. He hadn't- couldn't subject himself to that.

A short walk later, he was in front of the door to the dojo that had turned into home and clinic. Hesitating only briefly, he knocked on the door which opened shortly to reveal a slightly older graying man dressed in a doctor's coat-his uncle. In the three months since he had seen him, his uncle had aged a little- the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth were now more pronounced than they were before. He was also more wise- one look into his eyes reminded the younger redhead of that. Kenshin opened his mouth to speak but couldn't- he didn't know what to say. Instead, it was Dr. Genzai who cleared the air first.

"Kenshin," the man greeted clearly surprised, "what are you doing here?"

"Hi Uncle," Kenshin replied managing to say a greeting out of habit, "I came for a visit?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kenshin cursed them. They sounded hollow and strange coming from his mouth, almost as though they were something that was foreign for someone like him. He forgot how important his uncle was to him until this moment and as a result, he had forgotten the ease that he was supposed to feel around his uncle. And now, he felt odd. Visiting Tottori had been his idea but right now, he was wondering if it was the right thing to do.

"Of course. Come in."

Dr. Genzai smiled opening the door and welcoming his nephew in. The unease which he'd seen Kenshin in by the front door helped him realize that the visit was a while in coming but that it was finally here. He couldn't- in fact he refused to let the young man go anywhere but to the place he wanted at the moment. And it seemed Kenshin wanted to be here in Tottori. It would have been heartless of him to refuse him after realizing that fact.

Kenshin, for his part, was a little more at ease. He wasn't sure what he would have done if he'd received a different response. Leave perhaps? But to where? The only hotels open at this time of night were rather far from where he was. Nonetheless, he would have gone there if he thought it necessary- if his uncle had refused him. His uncle led him into the living room and the suitcase Kenshin dragged in settled next to him. The living room reminded him of many things but the most vivid was a reception much like this one that he had received when he had decided to come visit his uncle on a whim one summer in high school. Neither his father nor his uncle had been that pleased but that summer had been one of the best he could remember.

Genzai knew that his nephew had a lot on his mind but he decided to let his nephew deal with things on his own way. He and Katsura were alike in that manner- always brooding and only telling people their feelings when they saw it as a last resort. All that the elder man could hope for was that he could give Kenshin the help he needed just as he had offered help to his son when he was alive. His nephew was different today, there was something about the way he held himself and walked into the room that told the aging doctor Kenshin had finally realized something. It was as though he had finally given himself the ability to move on. And Genzai decided that he would be there for his nephew during this difficult process.

"There's an extra bedroom that opened up a while ago. My head assistant- Megumi- she moved out a few months ago." Megumi's decision was thankfully one that she had made shortly before she and Sano had announced their upcoming nuptials. She had stayed on for a while however and had only recently left after he had assured her that he and the girls and would get along just fine without her presence.

"Thank you." Kenshin answered trying to remember the woman.

He didn't remember some of the details from three months ago. He'd known that his uncle had an assistant in his clinic and he could vaguely remember the outline of someone that might have been the assistant. But he wasn't sure. Embarrassed, he followed his uncle down the walkway until he came upon the room that was to be his. The left hallway led to the clinic as he remembered and the right hallway was where the residential rooms were kept. His uncle opened the shoji and gestured for Kenshin to go inside following after him.

"I'm afraid there's not a lot. Whatever furniture Megumi had she took except for the dresser. She said she wouldn't need it." Kenshin nodded settling his suitcase by a side wall. "Ah- there's a futon in the cupboard and blankets are in another room. Let me get them for you. And then, I'm afraid I have to run- I have patients stopping by later. "

Kenshin nodded as he took in the place. Soft tatami floors that were worn with use coupled with shoji doors that he remembered fixing from his teenage years. If he remembered right, this guest bedroom opened to the side garden. Shuffling towards the back door, he gently pried open the wall and let out a small grin when he realized he'd been placed in the same room he remembered from his days as a teenager. The bright winter sun and snowy landscape was truly remarkable especially in this part of the house where the snow remained untouched.

Genzai came back into the room to see Kenshin standing by the back door in thought. The young man turned to his uncle and gratefully took the blankets as the cold air from outside dissipated around the room. For some reason, Genzai could already tell that his nephew liked the room and that he appreciated the small comforts it offered. The room, he decided, would be Kenshin's and he was welcome to use it as long as he needed to and as long as he could.

An hour later Kenshin sighed as he took in his new room. It was simple with a futon rolled up to the side and a dresser on the left side of the room by a wall. The simplicity made him feel a tad like a hermit if it wasn't for the comfort of having his clothes placed within the dresser. He'd already unpacked his suitcase and the room looked a little like his now. His various personal items- not that there were many he'd decided to bring with him- were placed on the top of the dresser and his suitcase was hidden away in the tiny closet where his coat and other such items now hung. He wasn't sure how long he planned on staying but he had brought most of everything just to be safe.

The door opened and he turned to see what had caused the rather brusque sound. Two young girls ran into the room and he shook his head fondly moving to catch them as they ran into him. They were never too quiet about things were they? And, he winced as he caught them, they were quite the pair. Kenshin stuck with them as they clambered into his lap, batting each other for spaces until an appeased Suzume finally settled by his side and contended herself by playing with his hair. He wondered why they cared so much for him when he had ignored them after their parents' deaths. Did they forgive him already, not being able to hold a grudge as easy as others much older than them?

"Kenny!" Ayame- now two squeaked out catching his attention

She had only been a year and a half when her parents died and his uncle began to take care of them. Odd how much she'd grown since he'd seen her last. She was now walking properly- running even- and could even say his name somewhat. The little girl clutched his left arm tight in a painful grip and he gently eased her hold wincing when her nails dug into his hand instead. After adjusting her hold, he looked at the older and more astute of the two girls.

"Ayame, Suzume. How have you two been?" He wondered if his statement could be any more mundane.

"We're good!" Suzume announced as Ayame was too preoccupied with her uncle's hair and had found a comfortable seat in his lap. The elder sister didn't mind Ayame's actions since she knew that her uncle loved h-er too. Plus, Suzume had to look out for her. "What took you so long?"

Both the girls were beaming at his presence which made him cringe. He had really messed up here. Thinking back on Suzume's words, he flashed the girls a grin as he thought about how to answer them. A few months ago, the girls had been looking to him to take care of them after their parents' funeral. At that point, he was still grieving over their parents' deaths and hadn't been the best adult figure in their lives. Now, he was ready to move on and oddly enough, he felt his nieces would help him with that. Plus, they needed him and _he needed them._

"I was busy." He finally announced when the girls had calmed somewhat. Suzume was fidgeting and while he hadn't seen her in a while, he knew what that meant. She was hiding something from him. Not liking the sad look on her face, he slowly brought Suzume's face up to his view. She was crying. "What's wrong Suzu?" He hadn't used that nickname in so long it felt like he was forcing it out making him wince inwardly.

"I'm- I'm just happy you're here."

The words were a punch to his gut. They were words Tomoe had spoken ages ago but hearing them come from Suzume's mouth made the statement more poignant. Suzume had suffered a lot in the past year and he had been selfishly mourning instead of helping her cope. It hurt to hear the words but it also made him understand things- namely the fact that while he wasn't there for his nieces then, he was there for them now. And that while the pain from the events wouldn't fade, it would dull over time. Together, he and the girls could be there for each other. He brought them closer and winked, the action causing them to burst out in a flurry of giggles and decided to take action starting now.

Kenshin gathered the girls into his arms and stood up- a feat that wasn't easy. He led them to the dining room and plopped them down on the cushions deciding he may as well start with dinner. Back in Kyoto, before Tomoe had taken permanent residence in the hospital, Kenshin had seen her cook reminding him of his university days when she had taught him. But more than that, every single dish he made was either made using her recipe or tweaking her recipe to suit his bachelor requirements. Now, he felt he owed it to the girls to cook a decent meal, their mother's recipe of course- but with Uncle Kenshin's twist. Turning to ask them about dinner, his expression softened.

Ayame was half-sitting, half-laying down on the cushion and Suzume was watching her like a protective mother hen- just as she promised him she would at her parent's funeral. The scene made him realize that the girls needed someone other than his uncle to look after them, someone young enough to play with them and read them bedtime stories. He didn't want Suzume to become a mothering personality when she was so young. She was only four; she had her entire childhood ahead of her. Clearing his throat, he spoke when he had the girl's attention glad to have some distraction from the feelings the scene caused.

"So, what do you want for dinner?" Ayame looked up at him with narrowed eyes and clapped her hands when she made a decision.

"Den!" She yelled out causing Kenshin to ponder over her words.

"She means oden Uncle Ken." Suzume amended rolling her eyes at the younger girl. "What have I told you Ayame- it's o-den, not just den!" Stifling his laughter at the comical sight, Kenshin got in between them hoping to break up a fight. Apparently, sibling rivalry was still strong between the girls even after their stay in Kyoto.

"Now, now- Suzu- do you want oden for dinner?" The older girl stopped her admonishing of her sister and curled her hands into her lap. She did, but she wanted her _mother's oden. _

"I-" Hesitating for a moment, Suzume shook her head and gathered courage, "can you make mommy's oden?" The little girl shuffled and Kenshin found himself sympathizing with her. That was a recipe of Tomoe's that he never did tweak. It was the first thing she had taught him one cold winter's night in University.

"Of course I can." He wondered if his next words were too forward but maybe the girls would like his suggestion. "Do you want to help me make it?"

Suzume's eyes widened and she shuffled closer to her uncle, her hope etched clearly on her face. "Really?"

"Of course." Kenshin stood, Ayame latched onto his leg and making it difficult for him to walk. "Ayame can you let go of my leg? And Suzume, why don't you go look in the fridge for ingredients?"

The girls didn't need to be told twice and a half-hour later when Dr. Genzai came into the kitchen after closing his clinic the sight he saw made his heart lift. Suzume stirred a pot on the stove while Kenshin held Ayame and hovered by her. He was talking low, so the doctor couldn't hear what was said but he knew that whatever it was it brought the kids true happy smiles that he saw only when they were with their godmother. A squeal came out of Ayame as she clutched her uncle in fear when the pot on the stove boiled. Unable to help himself the doctor laughed catching the attention of the three in question.

"Grandpa!" Ayame yelled out squirming in Kenshin's arms. The doctor reached forward and took her from Kenshin as Suzume clambered down form her chair.

"Mmm, that smells lovely- what are you three making?" Suzume tugged on his coat and he bent his head to look down at her.

"Mommy's oden!" The girl announced proudly. "Uncle Kenshin made it." She leaned forward to whisper in her grandfather's ear, though really, it wasn't a secret at all. "It tastes just like mommy's!"

"Ah- oden!" He didn't reference his daughter-in law knowing that it was a subject best left for another day. Instead, he inclined his head to Kenshin's in a silent show of thanks. "Can I expect more food like this from now on?" The sheepish redhead rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

"I guess? Though all I know is what-" Kenshin swallowed his words, "is what I was taught." The doctor nodded knowingly. He would give Kenshin the privacy he needed but it wasn't healthy for the young man to dwell on Tomoe's past. He wasn't going to force his nephew, but in time he wanted Kenshin to be able to say Tomoe's name without wincing or feeling sorry for himself.

"Well then, Ayame dear, would you climb down? I'll go wash up and get the plates ready for dinner."

The little girl did as she was told, following her sister to the dining room as Kenshin stirred the pot one last time. When it was ready, he brought the hot soup to the table and was surprised when Ayame thrust a bowl in front of him and climbed into his lap. Belatedly, he realized that this was something she did whenever she was hungry. Sometimes, he forgot just how young she was. She couldn't very well eat the hot soup on her own now could she? Tucking her securely in his lap, Kenshin spooned the oden out into bowls. It reminded him of when Suzume was younger and would only eat food he fed her when he was around.

The doctor arrived and raised an eyebrow at the arrangement but didn't say anything about it. The girls cared for their uncle so he would allow this. Plus, it meant he had a free lap at dinner that night. And as much as he found himself caring, he also realized, after years of wisdom, that Kenshin needed this moment of bonding as much as the girls did.

Kenshin slowly blew on the spoon and once he deemed the stew cool enough, fed Ayame. The little girl enjoyed it immensely and Suzume watched from across the table. Kenshin saw the envy on her face and wondered what to do. He had been acting based purely off what he remembered seeing in Kyoto when the girls had stayed over. This was a new territory and he didn't dare venture into it. He couldn't- in fact he wouldn't – get in the middle of that fight.

"Suzume," Uncle Genzai said noticing her expression, "do you know how many pictures I have of when you were a baby and being fed by your uncle?" The little girl blinked and then turned curious eyes to her grandfather.

"Yes, it was a few years ago- Katsura and Tomoe had decided to take you to Kyoto because your uncle wasn't visiting. And if I remember right, you were Ayame's age and wouldn't let yourself be fed by anyone but him." Suzume glanced at her uncle asking him if what her grandfather was saying was true.

"I remember that. You were two I think." Kenshin answered. "And all I remember is that you climbed into my lap one day and refused to leave until I fed you lunch. And you stuck to me like glue for a while."

"Glue!" Ayame giggled waving her hands and missing the spoon that was edging towards her only by sheer luck. "Suzu funny." Kenshin laughed and fed her once more before winking at Suzume whose eyes widened. She didn't even think he knew how to wink even though she had seen it twice. Even her daddy wasn't able to do it right.

"Read me a bedtime story?" She asked instead hoping to get her own snuggling time with her uncle.

"I promise- but only after we tuck this little girl in all right?" Ayame, thankfully, didn't hear all of what he said letting the rest of the dinner pass by in companionable silence.

Three hours later the girls lay snuggled into their futons after the promised bedtime story and Kenshin quickly stole away to help his uncle wash dishes in the kitchen. His uncle hadn't said much earlier that afternoon when he'd arrived, just asking Kenshin how long he was staying and then providing him a room. However, Genzai wanted answers and Kenshin knew he was going to have to give them soon. The answers however, Kenshin thought, would be hard to come by. Even he was still a bit hazy about them. Or actually, he knew what they were but he wasn't accepting them yet.

"Why did you come here?" The statement was said softly and hardly disrupted the silence in the kitchen. The younger of the two men paused momentarily in his task as he thought of an answer.

Why had he come? He'd come to escape the guilt he festered in he realized as he continued with the chore to keep his hands busy. Tomoe and Katsura had passed away and after their death, he hadn't really done anything but work. After his brain had knocked some sense into him, he had come to a realization. The two had always been there for him and now they weren't. Neither Tomoe nor Katsura were ever going to be erased or replaced but they were now a part of the past- his past. He wanted to escape that past for a while and get his bearings straight and surprisingly enough a life in the country appealed to him. His uncle had always begged him to visit and he felt that it was high time he did so. Living in the present would help him with the demons of the past.

"Kenshin?" Realizing he hadn't answered the redhead spoke again, giving his uncle the response he'd come up with.

"I guess Kyoto just held too many memories for me." Genzai didn't say a word; he knew what memories Kenshin was talking about. Hiko had warned him that Kenshin might come visit. He'd called a few days ago when his son had turned in his resignation to the ER, something that to both men was a task long overdue. Sighing, Genzai did the only thing he could- open his arms and home to his nephew.

"My head assistant just left on her honeymoon. She's not going to be back for a while and I need some help. After she comes back we'll decide what to do but for now, consider yourself hired."

"Thank you." Kenshin relaxed somewhat though the tension never left his shoulders. He wasn't sure if it ever would but he would take what he got for now. Working here wouldn't be as busy as working in the ER but it'd be a welcome change of pace. And maybe, just maybe, living in Tottori would help him bury his past demons.

* * *

Kenshin smiled as he heard the laughter of two young children and wondered what made his nieces so happy. His uncle had mentioned a certain kenjutsu instructor who the girls had taken a fond liking to and who was planning to visit soon. Wondering if it was her, he made his way to the backyard, pulling off his latex gloves and throwing them away in a nearby trashcan as he did so. While he had grown up with his cousin, he had never visited him and Tomoe after they had settled in Tottori. So their life here was a mystery- it was new.

Ayame and Suzu were running around trying to chase the older woman who obviously had slowed down her pace to match theirs. She was young and athletic from what Kenshin could tell. Her straight black hair was up in a ponytail and she had a nice laugh. There was something about her that seemed familiar but he wasn't sure what it was. Standing by the porch, he simply watched, content to see the girls running around with smiles on their faces. It was a refreshing sight in the February chill. Ayame paused in her game and was the first to notice him.

"Kenny!" She yelled promptly leaving the game of tag and running up to him with open arms.

He walked down the three steps to the backyard and caught her as she barreled into him. Her puffy winter coat made her look like a tiny pink marshmallow but she was adorable to Kenshin all the same. Holding her, he felt at peace and calm. He also felt loved and vowed to protect the little girl from whatever demons befell her- whether it was a boo-boo or the monster under the bed. And he promised the same to Suzume- not that the girls knew it of course. They were much too young to understand things like that. And they were too young to understand why the sight of the plum blossoms in the backyard made him sad.

"More work?" The little girl asked when Kenshin stood up with her in his arms. He shook his head no. The clinic was apparently a little busy, this being flu season now, but there weren't anymore patients today.

"Good." By this time, the two had reached Suzume and the young woman who was playing with them earlier. Suzume immediately made the introductions feeling it prudent to do so. These two people were possibly the two most important people to her in the world (excluding her grandfather and parents) and it was high time they met.

"Uncle Ken, this is Kaoru nee-chan. Kaoru nee-chan this is Uncle Ken." Kenshin smiled as a greeting seeing as how his arms were full of the bundled Ayame. So that was how he knew her- she was Katsura's good friend- the girl from Tottori that he remembered in passing from his summers. And- he mused- she was the other godparent- the more responsible one.

Kaoru greeted him with a smile. She knew who he was and was surprised to see him here. She'd met Kenshin ages ago when he came to Tottori once during high school. And most recently, she had seen him at the funeral in Kyoto. She knew that he was close to Tomoe and Katsura but that he kept his distance. She had always wondered about that but she shook it off. Kenshin was looking at her with wide eyes and she realized that he was waiting for her greeting.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" If he noticed that she hadn't been paying attention, he didn't show it, instead continuing with his conversation.

"Would you like to come inside for a hot drink?"

"You have to nee-chan!" The girls chorused as Suzume began pulling her towards the house. "Uncle Ken makes the best hot chocolate!"

Kaoru raised an eyebrow at that as she nonetheless followed Suzume not minding the fact that the girls forced her choice upon her. She heard Ayame's giggles behind her and noted that the other two were following her. A wave of jealousy swept her suddenly, she had only been away for three days- three days of pottery work- and he had already wormed his way into the girls' lives. While she was happy that he cared, she felt a little left behind. Behind her she heard Kenshin's laugh as he spoke again and realized that he was talking to the girls. Curious about the relationship he had with them, she listened intently.

"I'm sure that my hot chocolate is not that great."

"It's the bestest!" Ayame proclaimed and Kenshin felt a piece of his heart heal. The hot chocolate was his own dish, and the fact that the girls liked it so much made him feel proud.

A while later he sat down next to the young woman as the two girls quietly sat on the cushions with their drinks. He blew bangs out of his face as he studied the woman next to him. She was young but the love she showered on the two girls made him feel at ease. He'd only been here two days but he'd hardly gone out and the only people he'd met were patients who were older than him. To see someone young like her interact with the girls made him want to get to know the woman more, if only for the sake of his nieces. She had been there for them when he hadn't and he felt that he owed her something for that.

"The girls really like you." The statement caught him off guard but he nodded along with it anyways.

"I know." His words were wistful as though he was wishing to change things and he was. He wished he could have spent more time with them before. A silence descended between them as they watched the girls play and drink their warm treat. Neither knew what to say exactly.

"Why are you here Kenshin?" Kaoru finally asked after a while. "I- I thought that you were going to be in Kyoto."

Kenshin closed his eyes, the shame of his past decision coming back to haunt him. He'd distanced himself from Tottori because it hurt but it seemed that in the long run it was not the best of ideas. He had been running for so long from the problems in his life that when he finally came to terms with things, it was hard for others to believe it was real. Kaoru probed him more when he didn't answer.

"Are you here to substitute for Megumi?" Megumi- she was his uncle's assistant. He had found out a few days earlier that the woman he remembered taking care of his house months ago was indeed her.

"Not really. For now I'm doing that, but I'm not sure what I'll be doing later." And that was true- what would he do when Megumi came back? Where would he go?

Kaoru nodded feeling a little out of place. Kenshin, she realized, had grieved in his own way. After coming back to Tottori, she had found out that he was the doctor in charge. Megumi had explained to her that losing a patient was difficult and that for Kenshin, when his patient had also been his cousin's wife he had essentially blamed himself. She wondered if he had finally forgiven himself for what had happened. Or was he here out of some sense of guilt? She didn't think she could take it if the girls lost him again if he ever went back to Kyoto. The thought spurred a question of hers that had to be asked.

"Are you here for a visit then?"

"I suppose that's the best way to put it." He answered turning his head to meet hers. The girls were engrossed in playing a hand game and while he understood Kaoru's reason for the conversation, he wasn't sure he could continue it. Not if he wanted to answer truthfully.

"I don't mean to pry," Kaoru began again averting her gaze to the cup in his hands, "but this is a rather odd time to visit."

Kenshin smiled and his violet eyes twinkled momentarily as he replied her. It wasn't an odd question to ask. Normally one visited Tottori for the sand dunes, they came when the weather was warmer. Instead, here he was in February, the end of winter, and was helping his uncle with his clinic. He answered her nonetheless though not truthfully. He had come here for a reason and while _he _had come to terms with it, he didn't have the courage to talk about it yet.

"It took me a while to realize the girls needed me. I decided not to wait for the weather when that realization came to me." Kenshin quickly downed his cup and gathered the now empty cups by Ayame and Suzume. "I don't mean to rush you but are you done?"

Kaoru looked down at the cup in front of her. It was empty. She'd practically gulped it down after having one sip. The girls were right- this was the best hot chocolate ever. She gently handed the empty cup to him watching as he took them into the kitchen. She wasn't sure how long he was going to stay here or if he was looking for anything but she liked to think that she'd just gained a friend today. She looked at Ayame and Suzume who were still engrossed in their game and couldn't help but smile at that. She'd like to stay and watch them for a while longer.

"Kaoru!" The exclamation had her looking up to see Dr. Genzai walk in. He hadn't changed out of his clinic wear and took the seat previously occupied by Kenshin. "Here for the girls again?"

"Yes." Kaoru couldn't help it, everyone she knew had noticed that she doted on the girls. None of them had ever admonished her for it however. It was their way, she supposed, of telling her that they understood what she was doing and that they thought the girls needed the attention.

"I'm glad for that. They need someone like you around."

Kaoru flushed under his knowing gaze as Kenshin came back out with a cup of hot tea in his hands. He handed it Uncle Genzai and sat down in between the girls asking them about what they had done that day. Their enthusiastic responses, filled with excitement and hand movements, brought a homely feel to the room that all the occupants appreciated. Kaoru found herself watching all of this with curiosity. And Dr. Genzai noticed. It had been a while since . It had been a while since he'd seen the young woman so interested in something other than Kendo or pottery. And Kenshin, well he felt that Kaoru would have a positive impact on his life, however she did it. Maybe he would talk with his nephew about fostering friendships while he was here.

"Kaoru," he stated noting Kenshin begin to ask the girls about dinner, "do you want to stay for dinner?"

It was getting dark outside which meant the young woman was either going to go home soon or stay and eat dinner with them. Kaoru wasn't the best of cooks and while she generally sponged off meals from others, he knew that the woman probably had no one to make dinner for her today. An idea popped in his head- what if he invited Kaoru to eat dinner at his house? It would give the girls time with Kaoru and he could make sure she was fed properly. Plus, Kenshin would finally have some interaction with others in his life.

"It's fine," she announced making a move to stand and gathering her coat up, "Tae asked me to stop by to get some food later."

"Kaoru," the old man stated again, this time pinning her with his gaze, "I insist. You haven't eaten a good meal in days- don't lie to me- and you will stay and eat one of Kenshin's meals."

She flushed again not sure what to do. His stare made her wince and she knew better than anyone that there was no way to lie to him again or weasel out of what he wanted now. She'd been on the receiving end of that stare more and more, especially since Megumi had moved out to live with Sano a few months ago and Katsura had passed away. Dr. Genzai had been the only father figure she had after her own father had passed away. She knew better than to worry him as he was now. Sighing, she gathered her coat, as well as Ayame and Suzume's and deposited them on the sofa before taking a seat again.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Kenshin had disappeared into the kitchen while she had been conversing with the doctor and she had to admit she was curious. Was this something that he had been doing since he arrived in Tottori? She had to stifle a giggle at that: Megumi was going to be angry that her cooking duty was taken away from her.

"Perhaps." Dr. Genzai uttered remembering the scene he had walked in on a few days ago. "I think it's best if you go see for yourself." Nodding, Kaoru followed Kenshin into the kitchen.

He was pulling vegetables out of the refrigerator- some daikon and leeks- whens she walked in and looked surprised to see her. But he didn't do or say anything which made Kaoru fidget and glower. Was he really going to make her be the first to talk? Shuffling her feet, and feeling like a shy little girl- really she was a grown woman- she spoke.

"I was invited over for dinner and came by to see if you needed help?"

"Oh hi, did you need something?" The redhead was a little surprised to see her. She waited while he took her in with a questioning gaze and she briefly wondered if he knew about her less than stellar skills in the kitchen. She knew that she wasn't that great but hey she could at least help with the prep right?

Kenshin didn't like being interrupted when cooking. Cooking was the sole thing that he had shared with Tomoe- she had been the one to patiently teach him cooking when they were in university. Katsura would always peek in, but his luck in the kitchen started and ended at the sink so his cousin was generally relegated with washing the dishes. He had let the girls cook with him the other day because he thought that they like him could use cooking as their emotional connection with their mother. But with Kaoru, he didn't know if he wanted to let her in. The time that he spent cooking had become his private time and he looked forward to it at the end of every day- at least now when he was in Tottori.

Kaoru looked nervous and she wanted to leave the kitchen. Kenshin looked lost and betrayed when she had asked the question. Had she intruded upon something she wasn't supposed to? But what was it? And why did she feel so guilty about it. She bit her lip and choked down the dread she felt in her gut. Kenshin was Katsura's best friend and she couldn't let him see how his gaze affected her. Straightening herself, she began to back her way out of the kitchen.

"Please stay." Kenshin's words made her halt and she looked up at him questioningly. "I- I'm not used to having others cook with me. It's-" he struggled for words before finally settling- "it's different."

"Oh." Kaoru didn't know what to say after that and waited to see what else he would do.

"Perhaps, you could help me chop the vegetables?" He silently held out the vegetables as a peace offering and Kaoru smiled accepting his compromise.

"Do you cook often?" She asked the question managing to break the easy silence they had settled into. Kenshin turned from the stove, where he had been stirring the soup, and nodded. She was waiting for more and he wondered if he could share his reasons for enjoying the task with her.

"It helps me remember them." He stated looking back into the soup pot and seeing his own reflection reflected in the murky miso mixture. "Tomoe taught me in University and I've been doing it ever since." Kaoru hummed in agreement as she continued chopping.

"She tried to teach me." She murmured catching Kenshin's attention. "But Katsura always got in the way and well- I'm not exactly the best cook around." Kenshin caught her eyes and the wistful nostalgia in them made him relax. Perhaps his cousin had never really changed as much as he had thought. Silently, the two continued their tasks for a few minutes.

"Are these good enough?" The vegetables were chopped into squares, perfect enough for a soup, and he nodded his head taking them and adding them to the now simmering soup. The smells of cooking food and the thought of a warm dinner eased the silence in the kitchen.

"I can take care of everything else." Kenshin stated noticing Kaoru fidget. He smiled at her softly assuring her that what he was saying was true. "I think the girls are tired of playing with their grandfather. Why don't you relieve him of his duty?" Kaoru's eyes widened and she laughed at the last statement. It was true- the aging doctor was hardly a match for the energetic little girls.

"I'll take care of that then. Let me know when dinner's ready." Kenshin nodded and she disappeared back into the dining room.

Hours later, a tired Kenshin hummed in satisfaction as he placed the last dish into the drying rack. Kaoru had read the girls bedtime stories today. It was something that surprised him but his uncle had explained why it was a normal occurrence. Kaoru it seemed needed the girls just as much as he did. He couldn't fault her for that. He heard voices in the entryway and though he should have gone, he bided his time in the kitchen only stepping out when he knew Kaoru had left. His uncle narrowed his gaze in reprimand and Kenshin looked away from him in shame. Had he been that obvious when he tried to avoid Kaoru?

"I won't say I know why you hid in the kitchen." Dr. Genzai stated. "But I will tell you it was wrong."

"I'm sorry Uncle." The elderly doctor sighed and came forward to rest a hand on Kenshin's shoulder. It was a comforting touch.

"Kenshin, do not be afraid of what you could be. And don't be jealous of her role in Ayame and Suzume's life." The doctor sighed as his gaze met his nephew's. "She was there for them when they needed someone like her. Kaoru- she saw Tomoe as a sister Kenshin and she was able to fill some of the void in their lives. In fact, I think if the two of you talked, you could help the void in each other's lives."

"Uncle?" Kenshin questioned wondering if his words had a deeper meaning. Almost everyone knew he was in love with Tomoe, everyone but Tomoe and Katsura. But he couldn't tarnish her memory and move on so fast. He had tried and all his attempts had failed. So why was his uncle pushing him? Dr. Genzai knew better than to force others.

"No- nothing like that Kenshin." The doctor let his hand drop from Kenshin's shoulder. "The two of you understand each other's loss because you both are in the same situation. I think if you two befriended each other it will ease your hurt."

"She loved him." Kenshin stated understanding what his father had been saying. Kaoru had loved Katsura and had stuck through it instead of running away. She had been a much better than he was hadn't she?

"Yes, she did. While I cannot change the past, I want you to remember that she cares too Kenshin. And Kaoru has always had a bright smile on her face. Learn from her will you?"

"I'll try Uncle." The elderly man smiled glad that Kenshin understood what he was saying. Pain was hard to cure, especially if it wasn't physical. And he wanted to help these two young individuals. Sometimes, it wasn't comfort one needed but someone to confide in, someone who understood.

"That's all I ask for. Now, good night. Do you mind locking the doors?"

"No, I'll take care of it." The elderly doctor nodded and left to his room leaving Kenshin alone. A friend- someone who understood him. Kenshin thought he liked that. Maybe it was what he needed all along.


	3. Finding Your Place

**A/N: Sorry that this update is late. And I apoligze if this chapte rseems like filler. This is the final chapter of the exposition/ setting up of the story so the actual plot goes on from here! Enjoy!**

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A tired Megumi made her way out of the terminal towards baggage claim with her new husband in tow. The trip- honeymoon, she corrected herself- was refreshing and it had been just the thing that she and Sano needed to relax and get away from Tottori for a bit. But she was glad to be back. She wanted to check on Kaoru and make sure that her friend was fine. Kaoru had slowly healed from Katsura but still needed some more time to be the Kaoru she knew. She hoped that her departure hadn't stalled this progress.

The baggage claim area showed up and she sighed in happiness. "Sano, can you check for our bags- they're in carousel three. I'll go get a cart."

"Don't need that fox. I can carry them!" Megumi rolled her eyes but nodded. Their carry on could easily be stacked on top of the check-in and dragged out.

"Let's go then."

They waited with other passengers for the harsh beeps that indicated their luggage's arrival. Sano easily found their bags, theirs being in the first load, and hauled them down. Grateful, she and Sano made their way out of the airport and towards the gates. Finally, she was back in Tottori and able to go back to normalcy.

As soon as Megumi and Sano stepped out of the airport, she knew something was different- that something had changed in Tottori while she had been on her honeymoon. Kaoru stood by the entrance to the airport, as promised, and greeted them happily. But that wasn't the Kaoru she had left behind. This Kaoru looked like she had gotten a weight taken off her shoulders or had fallen into happier times. This was the Kaoru from a year ago before the tragedy.

"You sure look happy missy." Sano noted with a smile pulling the younger woman into a one-armed hug. So like him, Megumi thought, to take her change in stride.

"I should be. Enough about me- what about you. How was your trip?"

"It was good. Fox didn't like the cold weather so much, she wouldn't let us go out of the room a lot, you know?" Sano's words were teasing and Kaoru blushed at the implications.

"Idiot!" Megumi huffed smacking her husband's arm. She raked a hand through her hair and adjusted her scarf before reaching forward and giving Kaoru's arm a squeeze. It was her way of showing her friend that she cared. And that she was happy to be back with her. It was also her way of trying to show the world that she wasn't sporting a raging blush under that scarf of hers. Her husband seemed to get the message and apologized.

"Sorry, sorry! Can we go to the car now- it's freezing as hell out here!" Sano picked up the two larger pieces of luggage and nudged Kaoru who began leading the way. Megumi murmured something about language as she too followed them. It was a good thing Kaoru hadn't parked that far from the airport- it was cold outside currently. It was six am after all in the middle of February.

Kaoru pushed a lock of hair behind her ear as she unlocked her car, huddling into her coat as the wind blew. "Here, the trunk's open Sano." She hesitated before slipping into the driver's seat deciding that the chill was too much for her. "Actually, there's something I need to tell you two."

Megumi and Sano shared knowing looks neither knowing what to say about the current situation. They had known something was up when they greeted her at the airport but now they were wondering if they needed to be worried for their friends. Kaoru was still fragile, she still did wear her heart on her sleeve, and last they had checked she was still in love with Katsura. A few weeks couldn't change things this fast, in fact, they both doubted it would suddenly cause such a radical transformation in the girl. They climbed into the car and took their seats- Sano up front with Kaoru and Megumi sitting behind her to analyze her mannerisms.

"So, what you been up while the fox and I went away?" Sano asked lazily not probing her yet. Kaoru would tell them and it was best to wait. She was a spitfire when provoked.

"Same old, same old- playing with the girls, visiting Tae, doing some work on my pottery."

"Oh spill!" Megumi hissed from the backseat, having never been patient. "What or who is that thing you need to tell us about?"

"Who?"

Sano starched the back of his head sheepishly. "The person who's making you smile like that missy. You look happier than I've seen you in months. It's not that we're not happy or anything but it's just _different._"

Kaoru flushed as she thought about what Sano was implying. Her friends, she knew, genuinely cared for her. They had both been there to see her have her heart broken multiple times and she felt a little guilty for leading them on to believe that she had moved on. But at the same time, she was ticked. Had she been that morose? She drove onward as she thought about what to say. How could she tell them what she wanted to without making it seem like she was leading them on?

"There is no guy… at least in my romance life." Her smile faltered a little but she continued. "However, there is someone new at the clinic- Genzai's nephew Kenshin. Do you remember him?"

Megumi did- she didn't think she could ever forget that haunting face she had seen months ago. Sano reached for her hand and she absently gave it to him needing his touch as a comfort. Two questions went through the newlyweds' heads: Why was he here and what did he need? Kaoru sensed this and continued to explain before her friends could interrupt.

"He- well I'm not sure why he's here exactly but he came for a visit I guess." She shrugged her shoulders. "He's helping the doctor at the clinic but that's all I really know."

Silence pervaded the car since none of the occupants knew what to say. Sano remembered the man from Kyoto- the redhead whose face made him cringe. Megumi meanwhile wondered if she had to find alternative employment. And just what was he doing upsetting the delicate balance they had established? Kaoru was slowly healing- she didn't need such a huge upheaval in her life at the moment.

"We're here." Kaoru announced parking the car in a tiny parking lot close to the clinic. She didn't need to use her car a lot to travel around Tottori and instead walked everywhere. But sometimes, such as when she had a large load of clay or groceries to bring home, using her car had its benefits. And it allowed her to hide in her car for a moment before she faced the crowd in the dojo.

Sano and Megumi got out of the car and waited for Kaoru to leave with them. Sano grabbed their small carry-on bags and barreled up the gravel driveway startling the neighbor's cat that always slept by the dojo. She sighed and followed them up the driveway, stopping Sano before he stomped inside and startled the occupants in the house. Dr. Genzai had been awake when she left but everyone else was asleep. She led them to the kitchen where a tired Dr. Genzai was making coffee. Smiling, he greeted the newlyweds.

"Megumi, Sano- I trust your trip went well?"

Megumi leaned down and gave the elderly doctor a kiss on the cheek. "Wonderful, Genzai-sensei. How were things at the clinic?"

She shed her coat and took the pot of coffee from the elder man to pour into cups. It was something she had been doing for ages. She and Sano often stayed over for lunch and dinner so it was normal for her to see to things in the kitchen. It was also just the thing she needed to keep her distracted while the doctor talked.

"It was good of course. The girls missed you and I had a little bit of trouble with flu season but it wasn't that bad." The doctor looked at Sano and Kaoru, ushering them into the seats at the nearby dining table. "We have a new visitor for a while."

Sano huffed taking a seat at the table as instructed. "So I heard from missy over here. Anything else? I see the snow hasn't been shoveled lately."

Small talk was what Sano was known for. And Dr. Genzai noted he was on edge about something. He wondered what exactly Kaoru had told him that had him bristling at just the mere mention of Kenshin's presence. Or was it because he remembered the awkward encounters from Kyoto? If that was his first impression of someone, he supposed he would probably be feeling the same way Sano was. Still, he had to attempt to clear things and put them in the open so he spoke.

"Yes, Kenshin helps me out in the clinic." Megumi's hands faltered and she spilled some coffee onto the counter- was she replaced by family? The doctor's next words calmed her though. "He only agreed to help me until Megumi returned so now that she has, I'm not sure what he'll do. He might finally get around to the shoveling."

"I'll take care of it!" Sano announced grabbing the cup his wife was handing him. He'd been helping the doctor around the house and it wasn't going to change just because another pair of hands were there. "Say, Dr. Genzai- do you know why he's here?"

The doctor took his own cup from Megumi with thanks as he sat at the table next to Sano. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sano, but this was something that Kenshin had to sort out on his own. He couldn't rush the young man on it. So instead, he shook his head and Sano quieted. It seemed the young man understood what he was trying to say.

In another room of the house, Kenshin woke to voices. He thought he recognized one but wasn't sure about the others. Slowly getting up, he rolled up his futon and stretched his tired muscles. The mundaneness of the task eased him and he went about his regular routine-odd how it only took him a few days to fall into it- before he opened the door and padded down the hallway to the dining room and kitchen. He wasn't completely awake yet but he was coherent enough to function until he had his coffee- a habit he had picked up from his colleagues. He stifled a yawn as the voices grew louder the nearer he came to the kitchen.

"Kenshin!"

Still a bit groggy from sleep, Kenshin shook his head as he noticed who had wished him the greeting. Giving Kaoru a nod in return, he turned to see the other two people in the dining room beyond Kaoru and Dr. Genzai. One was a tall lanky man wearing a red scarf around his neck. His spiked hair reminded Kenshin of a teenager's rebel hairstyle. Next to him, was an equally tall woman who reminded him a little of Tomoe- straight hair, pale skin, and the like. He remembered their faces and realized that these two must be Sano and Megumi- the very people Kaoru had told him she was picking up last night at dinner. He'd almost forgotten all about it.

All eyes turned on him where he stood by the kitchen entrance making him feel a little shy. "Morning." He felt a tad underdressed and sheepishly combed a hand through his hair.

Megumi noticed his fidgeting and decided to spare him the misery. She may not know him that well, nor could she forget the haunting image she had of when she had last seen him, but she did know her arrival with Sano was strange to this man. She gave him a polite greeting before disappearing towards the kitchen intent on letting Kaoru and Dr. Genzai take care of things. Kenshin, still a little surprised seeing the newcomers, merely followed her movements with his eyes. What did one do in a situation such as this? Especially if he hadn't had coffee yet?

Kaoru approached him. "Morning. Sorry if we woke you." He merely nodded wordlessly. "I think we'll go see what Megumi is doing in the kitchen okay?" Grabbing Sano's hand, she dragged him off in the same direction Megumi had disappeared leaving the nephew alone with his uncle. Resigned to his task, the doctor sighed before talking.

"As you can see Kenshin, my head assistant and her husband have returned from their honeymoon." The doctor appraised his nephew's appearance. "Why don't you wash up and join us? Today's Sunday and we generally don't have that many patients today."

Kenshin nodded as he turned back around. He made his way back to his room and washed his face with cold water before brushing his teeth. The act woke him a little more but still he didn't leave the bathroom. Leaning forward over the sink, he took in his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Tired eyes on a fresh face, red hair sticking out in all directions and sleepwear that had seen better days. He really should have waited before going into the kitchen as he had. Rearranging his appearance, he shuffled out of the bathroom and headed back towards the kitchen.

Sano was at the table sitting next to the doctor and Kaoru while his wife was searching the refrigerator for something. This time no one ran away at his appearance. Instead, they acknowledged him. Partial retreat it appeared had been the better option for him. He snagged a cup of coffee and stood awkwardly in the tiny opening that connected the kitchen to the dining room.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru broke the awkward atmosphere and indicated to the seat across from hers- the one next to Sano. "Come have a seat with us."

He shuffled forward and took the seat not sure what else to do. Kaoru smiled warmly and reached over to pat his shoulder. The action surprised him. He wasn't used to touch- even platonic- outside of his immediate family these days. A part of him craved for the feeling of someone's hand on his shoulder or a pair of arms engulfing him in a hug. However, that part of him was quickly extinguished by the guilt he felt at tainting Tomoe's memory. He wondered if he would ever come to terms with that- Tomoe. Would he continue to wallow in his unrequited love?

"Kenshin, this is Sano and that's Megumi. I'm not sure if you remember them but they um… they accompanied me to the funeral." He uttered a small greeting to them which they returned. Sano eyed him for a minute before deciding that he was okay with whatever it was he saw. Taking his mind off the matter, Kenshin resumed drinking his coffee.

"So," Sano started when the redhead had gotten comfortable, "what brings you here to Tottori?"

The redhead nearly choked on the coffee as he heard the question. He idly wondered how long he'd have to keep answering all the different variants of that particular question. It was getting rather tiring to say he wanted a change of pace from Kyoto but that was all that he could inform others about for now. His past was still an area of his life he didn't want to visit just yet. And he still had to face his demons, something he wasn't ready for yet. It was Kaoru who helped him again making him feel grateful for her presence.

"He's here for a break." Kaoru had jumped into the conversation when she had noticed the unease. She fiddled with the empty cup in front of her as she rounded on Sano. It was hard to get over grief and people asking uncomfortable questions only made it that much more difficult. She rounded on Sano giving him a glare. "Now are you done grilling him?"

Sano stiffened but let the argument go. "I get it missy. Lay off now." He looked towards Kenshin and took another sip of his second cup of coffee. "I just wanted to know if he was permanent is all." No one answered his question. After all, what was the answer? Kenshin himself didn't know. Tottori was an escape but that was all- or at least that's what he thought.

Kenshin downed the rest of his coffee and stood watching Megumi cut some vegetables for omelets. So that was what had her peering into the fridge. "Do you need some help?"

It was a simple question but one that was perceived differently by all the parties in the room. Megumi bristled; for as long as she had worked with Dr. Genzai the kitchen had been her and Tomoe's domain. With the latter having passed away, she was used to cooking in it, it had become her kitchen and she was possessive of it. Sano was shocked because he wasn't used to it. Like Megumi, he couldn't see anyone but the two women in the kitchen. It was Kaoru and Dr. Genzai though who understood his request.

"Kenshin has been cooking while you were on the honeymoon Megumi. I can't cook that well and the girls seem to like his cooking so I let it slide."

"Oh, I see." Megumi brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear and stopped in her task. "If you don't mind, I'd like to take over cooking duties again as much as I am able."

"Of course." It was Kenshin who spoke now feeling like he had infringed upon something he shouldn't have. "I'll… I'll go wake the girls."

He put his now empty mug in the kitchen sink before disappearing down the hallway. It was another hasty retreat and Kaoru felt guilty about it. But at the same time, Kenshin's presence wasn't going to suddenly change the habits that had been there in Tottori. She watched him go with a calculating look. He was obviously trying to escape the awkwardness in the kitchen and she wondered if she should attempt to go to him. Dr. Genzai placed an arm on her shoulder.

"Let him be Kaoru." He stood; putting his empty cup next to Kenshin's in the sink and addressed his assistant. "I don't mean any harm when I say this Megumi but cooking is my nephew's way of stabilizing his emotions. If you could, would you let him cook at least one meal a day? I realize it may be a lot to ask but cooking _does_ help him heal."

"Breakfast then." The young woman announced cleaning her blade. "It'll be one less thing for me to worry about in the morning."

Twenty minutes later, things were different. The presence of the girls was the catalyst for all of it. They didn't understand the tensions present between their beloved uncles and aunts. Instead, they saw two people who had come back. The departure of Sano and Megumi had been a little scary for them because they feared that they wouldn't return like their parents. Ayame ran into Sano's lap and refused to budge leaving a hungry Sano to share his breakfast with her. Suzume was patiently waiting her turn and had taken a seat in her godfather's lap. She realized he was feeling out of sorts and wanted to calm him a little.

"Now that Megumi's back Kenshin I think I found something for you." The doctor was peering at a letter that Megumi had found in the mailbox. He'd forgotten to check that yesterday. The doctor handed the sheet to Kenshin who took it from his hands.

"The University was just telling us how they needed someone with real expertise to work in their hospital. They're looking for an orthopedic doctor." Kenshin skimmed the details. That had been his specialty before he turned to work on Tomoe's cancer research. And even when working in the ER he had found himself focused on breaking and mending bone problems.

"Orthopedics?" Sano asked pulling his chopsticks out of Ayame's reach. "Isn't that bone stuff?" Megumi rolled her eyes as she took the remaining seat at the table and put down the plate of omelets.

"The study of bones rooster. And to think you married a doctor." She regarded Kenshin closely. "If I remember right from what Dr. Genzai told me, orthopedics is your specialty isn't it?"

"Yes it is." Kaoru looked at the redhead apprehensively. She wasn't sure about him but if her career path was basically being set in stone for her she probably wouldn't appreciate it. And Kenshin had just quit working at a hospital, she was sure he wasn't too keen on going back. Curious, she waited for his reply while entertaining Ayame with funny faces.

"I'll look into it Uncle." Kenshin sighed out.

He wasn't too keen on going back into a hospital but having to work fewer hours in an environment he was comfortable in made the idea slightly appealing. But he had strayed from orthopedics for a while and his uncle knew the exact reason why. He needed to think about the best option for him when he stayed in Tottori. It wasn't going to be an easy decision and he needed some time to dwell on the subject. Maybe he could do household chores- hadn't his uncle mentioned something about shoveling.

"Uncle, you mentioned something about shoveling?"

"Yes! We haven't been able to shovel anything since the snow Friday night. I know the gravel walkway is clean but the rest of the walkways are packed with snow." The doctor pointed to Sano. "I know you aren't used to it, so you can get help from Sano."

"Eh, we'll get started on it soon then. The girls can play in it if they hurry and get there before us." His comment was met with squeals and Ayame practically tumbled out of his lap. Grabbing her snugly around the waist, he calmed her down.

Kaoru laughed and opened her arms into which the girls ran. "Oh girls come here, let's get you into coats and then we can go crash Uncle Sano's snow piles." The girls didn't need to be told twice and they raced out of the kitchen Kaoru and Kenshin following them.

Sano rolled his arms as he sighed and stood up. "I'll go now then. See you later!"

A while later Sano and Kenshin shoveled snow off one of the paths leading to the garden by the dojo compound. Kenshin took the top half and Sano the bottom portion. Not that they were getting much done with the girls darting around and thwarting their work in the process. Sano finally dropped his shovel and tackled Suzume when she was running past him. The little girl's shrieks of laughter filled the air and Ayame- not wanting to miss out- promptly tackled her other uncle.

"Looks like Ayame caught the monster's minion!" Kaoru yelled out from the side. "Ayame, quick, go help Suzume with the king!" Kenshin dutifully lay still in the soft snow as the two girls leaped at and ran at Sano. Sano, ever the playful one tickled the girls until Ayame pulled his hair in a feat of courage. At that, even the tall man had to admit defeat.

"Oh all right, all right- you two win. Now get out of here so we can finish shoveling the snow." He looked at the porch where Megumi, Kaoru, and Dr. Genzai stood patiently. "You could help me here!" Kaoru stuck her tongue out childishly but did as she was told carting the girls off in the other direction of the dojo.

"Genzai-sensei!" A call came from the gravel driveway where a young woman was coming in carrying her baby. "Sorry to bother you today but Shin-kun won't stop crying!" The man nodded and he and Megumi left as well leaving Sano and Kenshin to shovel by themselves.

It was quiet when they shoveled. Neither knew what to say since they were both strangers to each other. Sano had questions- a large number that he wanted addressed but couldn't find in himself the right way to phrase them. Kenshin meanwhile wondered where he fit in within this Tottori existence. He'd come as a visitor but was he also looking for a job? Would that make him permanent? He sighed as the walkway cleared to the point he couldn't shovel anymore. He'd think more about that later.

Sano turned to see the redhead finished with his task. "You're used to this?" He asked surprised.

"The driveway to my house in Kyoto gets quite backed up this time of year."

"I see." The younger man leaned casually on his shovel trying to figure the elder out. "Say Himura- I don't know a lot about you. Why don't you tell me something?"

Kenshin stared at the elder man his expression one of confusion. Tell him what? The other male seemed to understand his confusion.

"Look, I'll start. Name's Sanosuke Sagara but round here everyone calls me Sano. Kaoru got me a job with a construction company here and well I just got married to the fox. You?"

This was something Kenshin could do- small talk. "Kenshin Himura- an ex ER doctor. I… I'm currently unemployed."

"There, that's a good start." Sano tossed his shovel down and walked over to him. "Genzai's got some wheelbarrows we can use to take the snowdrifts to the curb. Up for it?"

"Ah- of course." The redhead had never heard of tossing the melting snow aside. In Kyoto the shoveled snow generally melted by night and he salted the driveway when he got home. Here, he supposed, it was easier for the snowmelt to become an icy residue.

The shoveling took a few hours with the two males developing a small camaraderie. They hadn't become good friends overnight but Sano had invited Kenshin out- to drinks at a local bar. And Kenshin had said he'd take him up on the offer. When they finished, they came inside and shuffled out of their coasts stomping their boots in the genkan to get rid of any residual snow. Kaoru met them- two cups of hot chocolate in her hands which they took eagerly before joining the others in the living room.

"Kaoru," Megumi stated after teaching the girls how to play patty-cake, "have you heard back from anyone yet regarding the kendo classes?"

The young woman shook her head putting her chin in her hands dejectedly. "No one's interested. I was desperate enough that I even went to the university to ask them."

Megumi made a quick correction of the patty cake game. "Hmm, what about the pottery?"

"Well, I did get a letter from the University a while back." The others looked at her with baited breath. Kaoru hadn't told anyone about it because she herself was unsure about whether or not she would take up the university's offer. "They- uh- they heard that I do pottery and they were interested in looking at some of my pieces."

"That's wonderful!" Dr. Genzai enthused. "Do you know if they want to buy your pieces?"

"I'm not sure what they want. I know that there's an exhibition coming up but I doubt they'd want my pieces for that."

"Try for it!" Sano yelled thumping his now empty cup on the table. The sound startled all and Kaoru hit Sano in retaliation. He made a sound of pain but it was ignored and the living room became silent again.

"You know what?" Sano stated after a while. "I think you should say yes Kaoru- it might work out for you. And you too Kenshin- I think it'd be nice if you stuck around for a bit you know?"

"We'll think about it Sano." Kaoru murmured as the silence in the room began to overpower things again.

The sounds of the girls' game permeated throughout the living room as Kenshin stood. It was time for lunch anyway. Megumi saw him stand and glanced quickly at the clock. She stood as well and spoke.

"Well then, now that's that. We'll go make lunch. Any requests?" Her husband was the first to speak.

"No tofu!"

"Den, Den!"

"Something hot Megumi." Dr. Genzai finally translated. "Go now, get started." Nodding, she and Kenshin left leaving the others in the living room.

Hours later, when the clinic was quiet again, Kenshin realized that Sano did have a point earlier. He supposed he was going to visit the University Hospital first thing tomorrow morning.


End file.
